connections.

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” — Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

 

“There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.” — Proverbs 18:24 (NLT)

 

The more you come into alignment with your purpose on earth as it is written in heaven, the more intentional, alert, awake, and discerning you become. As this happens, the environments you find yourself in begin to change. The life you are called to live requires a specific type of environment, lifestyle, friendships, and connections. Not everyone is meant to have close access to you.

This does not mean building walls so high that you stop living or refuse to give people a chance. Some connections enter our lives for a season because, in that season, we may need each other. But there is a difference between seasonal connections and the people who are meant to be close to you.

Even Jesus had three closest to Him... Peter, James, and John.

You are shaped by who you surround yourself with. If someone is constantly negatively distracted, they are often being pulled by their own desires into paths they should not be on. If someone trusts you but you cannot trust them... because they have shown you why you can’t ... that is a sign. Sometimes all it takes is listening to your instincts and no longer ignoring red flags just because you feel bored or want company.

But loneliness is not only spiritual. It is psychological.

When a person feels lonely, the brain goes into survival mode. It begins to crave connection the same way it craves food or water. In that state, discernment lowers, standards drop, and urgency replaces wisdom. You stop asking, “Is this healthy?” and start asking, “Will this fill the silence?” This is why many people enter friendships, relationships, and partnerships out of boredom rather than discernment. This is known as attachment hunger.

Some people are not attracted to healthy connections. They are attracted to familiar ones. And familiar is often unhealthy. If you grew up around inconsistency, unreliability, or emotional instability, your nervous system may mistake chaos for connection. This is why you may feel drawn to people who are unreliable, immature, or emotionally unavailable. Psychology calls this anxious attachment.

You are not choosing what is best. You are choosing what feels familiar.

Many people do not seek company because they value the person; they seek company because they cannot sit alone with themselves. They use people as distractions from their own thoughts, wounds, and silence.

Your body will often tell you what your heart is trying to ignore. If a connection constantly gives you anxiety instead of peace, your nervous system is revealing that this person is not safe for you. God did not design you to live in constant emotional turbulence. He designed you for peace.

This is why seasons of solitude are not punishment. They are healing. God is not keeping you alone to hurt you. He is teaching your nervous system to be at peace without noise, so you never choose people out of desperation again.

It is better to be patient with Jesus, the truest friend, and allow Him to bring the right people into your life than to force connections that are not meant for you.

Consider the unreliable and the immature. When someone is still growing, they are like a child learning to walk... constantly falling. Your season, maturity, and wisdom may not be able to carry the weight of people who are unreliable and immature, because they become unnecessary stumbling blocks.

You are who you surround yourself with. If people are enticed by foolishness, lack of character, envy, or selfish desires, it may simply be a sign to keep a healthy distance. Some people are lessons, some are blessings, and some are only meant for a season.

When you don’t know who you are, you allow anyone to define your worth. But when you know who you are, you wait for people who recognize it.

You are a friend who is honest, genuine, pure-hearted, and real. Being rare requires being surrounded by people who carry a similar maturity, heart, and mindset. Not everyone is equipped to hold space in your life.

If you have ever felt alone or struggled to find genuine people, you are not the problem. If you have done your best to be good to others and they did not match you, it simply means they were not meant to stay. God will bring better... whether in family, friendships, relationships, or business partnerships.

Avoid connections that become stumbling blocks: people who are negatively distracted, untrustworthy, envious, unreliable, immature, or lacking accountability and growth. These connections add little of substance to your life.

If you feel lonely, seek Jesus. He will guide you into the right connections at the right time.